Funny stories about drunks from designated drivers

Const. Mark Taylor writes a ticket Saturday night during the RCMP's drinking and driving campaign kick-off.

THOMPSON-OKANAGAN - The holidays are a time to catch up with old friends, spend quality time with family and have a few rum and eggnogs to celebrate. Maybe it’s the cooler weather, the spirit or all the booze we get for gifts – but undoubtedly some of us will get more carried away than others.

But one thing to make sure of in those festive times – you always need to find a safe way home. Get a designated driver. Besides the ride home, you’ll thank them for those timeless tales of what drunk thing you said or did before sleeping it off.

Here is a list of some of the best designated driver stories collected from ICBC.

“Many years ago in Prince George I was (doing a ridealong with the) RCMP. We were parked outside a bar. A person came out of the bar, opened the rear passenger door and sat down. Believing they were in a taxi they gave their address. The officer noted the address was close so he drove them home. When they tried to pay, the officer gave them his business card and said, 'Tonight's ride is on us – thanks for calling a cab.' I guess in this case the RCMP was the designated driver and I have no doubt the next day many questions about the trip home must have been going through the passenger’s mind when they saw the police card.”

“I delivered an intoxicated friend to an address he gave me only to find out the next day that he didn't live there. The residents looked after him and I drove him to his actual home the next day.”

“I drove a couple of friends home after a Christmas party and neither one could remember how to get to their houses. We played ‘Does this look familiar?’ for over two hours in two different cities…”

“I was designated driver for my brother-in-law in Belgium this summer. I got to drive his Mercedes CLS 320. If only I had more friends with high-end or exotic cars. Anyone with a Porsche Turbo need a driver?”

“I was driving someone home and he was giving me directions. When we arrived, he got out and was met at the door by a woman who refused to let him in. Turns out, they had been divorced for two months and in his drunken condition, he forgot he no longer lived there.”

“Wife's 20-year reunion. Some of the occupants thought they were in a taxi and tried to pay me.”

“I was designated driver for twelve ladies celebrating a birthday. I rented a van and drove them to several bars. I was surrounded by all these beautiful women and they would only dance with me… I never had a better night in all my single life.”

“Listening to my friends sing ‘Don’t Cry For Me Argentina’ over and over again.”

“When my son called me at 3:00 am to get a ride home… He was in his late twenties and he said, "You know how you always told us when we were teenagers that you didn't care what time we called that you would give us a ride home rather than drink and drive, or drive with someone who was drinking? I never took you up on it, so I am calling in that offer now!"

If you can’t find a designated driver to take you home, there’s several other options. You can call a cab, hire a driving service, or call operation red nose.

During the Christmas holidays, an average of 40 people are injured in 140 crashes in the Southern Interior Region. For New Year’s an average of 30 are injured in 100 crashes.

To contact a reporter for this story, email Glynn Brothen at or call 250-319-7494. To contact an editor, email or call 250-718-2724

Tags: ICBC

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