(DON THOMPSON / iNFOnews.ca)

OPINION

The recent passing of one year into the next is a natural time to remember friends…Auld Lang Syne…thoughts of days gone by. Of course, the word “friend” is open to interpretation.

I don’t necessarily include all 200 folks Facebook calls my “friends” as people I’d take a bullet for…or they for me for that matter. Quite frankly, I don’t even recognize eight so-called friends of mine on Facebook…they are people I have never met.

I pretty much ignore Facebook friend requests and suggestions…the latter arriving mysteriously through some algorithm. My ignorance hasn’t hurt me much. Occasionally, I get a request from someone who has read and liked one of my columns…and with luck they might become a friend on Facebook.

I say luck, because I look at friend requests about once a year…and the chances of me recognizing the name of someone who might have commented on a column…well, perhaps it’s similar to that old snowball-in-hell’s chance.

No, I’m talking about friends…folks you’ve sometimes known for decades. If you’re old enough…maybe you have a friend that goes back a half-century or more. But friendships can be new, too. Friends are people you bond with…someone you admire or respect…someone you trust.

We have more acquaintances than friends. My dad once told me that if you can count the number of friends in your life on one hand…consider yourself fortunate. Of course, he was talking about those friends who really are there for you and you for them…high crimes notwithstanding…no matter what.

Reciprocity counts with friends. If one person is doing the heavy lifting in a relationship…eventually someone’s going to get hurt. Friendships are made over time…both people show that they won’t let you down. It is pretty much how you define love.

I’ve been lucky…I’ve had friendships that lasted decades. And I have some that are new. My youngest friend is 19 years old, the oldest…88. It’s interesting…the younger friend is older, more mature than his years…and the older friend…is younger at heart than her peers by a couple decades.

Friendship is a choice…always. Some folks call nearly everyone their friend…which is never true. That’s the kind of gullibility that ends up hurting you. Other folks can’t name a single friend…and that’s just as sad.

There are characteristics or traits that help us define our choices of friends…and making it work is more common sense than rocket science. Learn what to look for - in yourself and others - and you’ll recognize friendship…versus those who are simply using you for their own benefit.

Do you have something in common with someone you might call friend? It can be as simple as a hobby…or as meaningful as sharing the same beliefs.

You can’t really have a friendship without mutual caring. If two people don’t show one or more of these - empathy, compassion, concern, warmth, affection, fondness - you’re not friends.

Being there for someone…let’s call it support…is critical to friendship. Listening to someone - without telling them what to do - might be one of the best characteristics of friendship. Loyalty is a close cousin of support. You can’t be there for someone when it’s convenient.

Perhaps it should go without saying…but it’s too important to not state...honesty and trust between friends are essential. If you can’t share your inner-most thoughts and feelings with someone…you can’t call that person a good friend. Friends accept you….warts and all.

Of course, a friendship doesn’t mean you’re always in lock-step with someone. You need to be able to disagree with a friend without it destroying all that’s good.

Finally, you know you have a friend when they show up unannounced at your door and you need a shower and haven’t brushed your teeth, but when you open the door…you’re both smiling.

I hope 2025 sees your current friendships grow even stronger…and brings opportunities for new friends.

— Don Thompson, an American awaiting Canadian citizenship, lives in Vernon and in Florida. In a career that spans more than 40 years, Don has been a working journalist, a speechwriter and the CEO of an advertising and public relations firm. A passionate and compassionate man, he loves the written word as much as fine dinners with great wines.

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