Kamloops marketer and visibility expert Lou Bowers is pictured at Caffe Motivo in Kamloops.

(SHANNON AINSLIE / iNFOnews.ca)

A successful marketing and visibility specialist in Kamloops, Lou Bowers is bright, thoughtful and passionate about bringing people together.

She has her writing published in magazines and an anthology, and earlier this year her face was on a digital billboard at Times Square in New York.

The freelance marketer is not afraid to lead a highly visible life, which couldn’t be more opposite than the way she grew up.

Bowers is what is known as a glass child.

“I didn’t know what a glass child was until five years ago, even though I grew up as one,” she told iNFOnews.ca this week at a coffee shop in downtown Kamloops.

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The term describes a healthy sibling of a child with disabilities or a chronic illness. The healthy child can get overlooked, or feel invisible growing up, with so much attention focussed on the ill child.

Bower’s sister Julie was 2.5 years younger than her and grew up battling cystic fibrosis, a fatal genetic disease that compromises the lungs and digestive tract.

“A thick mucous builds up in the lungs, and the pancreas doesn’t produce enzymes for you to digest so you take them orally,” Bowers said. “It’s really hard to gain weight and (Julie) was prone to lung infections and pneumonia.”

Bowers was only four years old when her sister was diagnosed, too young to fully comprehend the danger involved.

“I knew my sister could die but I didn’t know the whole time what it meant, I understood what dying was but not the finality of it,” she said. “You still have that sibling relationship where you pester the hell out of each other but there’s also that need to protect that person at all costs.”

By the time Bowers was six, her sister was going in and out of hospital regularly while she stayed with her grandparents.

“There wasn’t a lot of talk of what was happening in the hospital. The fear of not knowing what was happening with Julie overtook the needing of my mom,” she said. “My grandma was a mother figure for me as well, so there was comfort in that.”

Glass children tend to grow up fast, be perfectionists or people-pleasers, project to the world they don’t need or want help, and feel guilty asking for care or attention, according to an article by Cleveland Clinic.

Bowers said she wasn’t a people pleaser, but she struggled to ask for help and became hyper independent.

Lou Bowers in New York.

Image Credit: FACEBOOK/Lou Bowers

“I’d be staying with a neighbour when Julie was in hospital and I’d sneak to get a glass of water, not wanting to trouble anybody,” she said. “It was the best neighbour, there wasn’t a problem with me asking for something but I took on not bothering and being a mouse.”

Having a glass child is not an intentional act, it’s the result of the demands the situation places on parents.

“I struggle with how to tell the story without putting my parents or family down,” Bowers said. “It was tough, it affected all of us.”

Bowers' sister died two decades ago at the age of 20 when a superbug swept through her hospital ward and several young adults with CF died. 

“I remember the feeling. There wasn’t that absolute terror anymore because before, when anyone else died, there was a grip of fear, wondering if our family was next,” she said. “It was interesting to sit and realize that fear had been hanging over me my whole life.”

Bowers said she and her sister were very close and had a few days together just before she died. 

“She’d been in a coma and came out of it where we could talk and we sang songs and got silly. She said ‘I will miss you’ and I said ‘I will miss you too,'" Bowers said with tears in her eyes. 

In some cases, glass children get resentful when their needs aren't met and end up with clinical level anxiety, depression, adjustment disorders and conduct disorders.

“There’s not a lot of support for siblings of kids with special needs,” Bowers said. “And when your sibling dies, there isn’t a group ready to support you.”

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Bowers went to therapy and has done a lot of work on herself over the years learning to manage her grief and emotions. She has met with other glass children including those whose siblings have died.

"When we find each other we’re like ‘is your humour as dark as mine?'" she said. “We all have individual stories, and there's that invisibility and hyper independence which therapy has helped me with.

“You never get over your childhood but I think you learn to be nicer to yourself and allow yourself to take up space in your own life as opposed to hiding to make everyone else comfortable.”

Glass children tend to be empathetic, resourceful and passionate advocates of others and Bowers is all three of those things.

She has contributed her insights on grief and resilience to newspapers and magazines.

Her writing is found in the newly published anthology called Resilient A.F.: Stories of Resilience Vol. 2 by Blair Kaplan Venables, a B.C.-based motivational speaker behind The Global Resilience Project, a movement supporting resilience and emotional healing.

In January, Bowers went to the book launch in New York and her picture was shown on a digital billboard in Times Square.

In Kamloops, Bowers supports her community by running networking events to bring local entrepreneurs together. She's motivated to help others break through fears and limitations, and find success.

“I’ve been called a marketing therapist,” she said jokingly. “We’re not called glass because we’re breakable, we’re just see through.”

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