September 18, 2014 - 7:20 AM
As I was sitting at a traffic light yesterday being gassed by the foul exhaust fumes from an enormous pick-up truck, it occurred to me what a ridiculous waste of space these things really are.
There is no sane reason why men drive pick-up trucks (and they are almost always owned by men - if you see a person of the opposite sex driving a pick up truck, it’s her boyfriend’s. Or she is on the way home from an arm wrestling competition. Which she won.) Perhaps they are a badge of manhood, along with vicious dogs and tattoos.
I have heard some of the pathetic excuses used to justify owning trucks:
“I have to tow my boat / travel trailer / other car” is one. Nonsense. You don’t need something the size of your house to tow your toys. The French, for example, have been dragging massive farm equipment behind tiny Renaults since before the war.
“I need it to carry stuff.” Balderdash. Pick-up trucks are useless for carrying anything. Your “stuff” slides around in the back, and to get it you have to climb into the thing at considerable risk to life and limb. When it rains, everything gets wet. Unless you fit a little roof on it, in which case you can never get in to retrieve you stuff which will rattle about in the back forever. So the cab is the only sensible place to put things. So then there is no room for the people. If you ever need cheering up, head over to Costco and watch people try and put their shopping in a pick-up truck. It’s hilarious.
Here’s another one: “It’s useful for carrying building materials / furniture / crap to the dump.” Well yes, it probably is, twice a year when it actually gets used for that. Unless you’re a farmer, the rest of the time it just transports you between your suburban house and your cubicle while achieving four miles to the gallon and getting in everyone’s way. And when you do need to pick up lumber or furniture or remove your rubbish, there are people who will do that for you for a modest fee, thereby saving you not just time but the needless expense which goes with keeping a gigantic vehicle you can’t park and only really use for its intended purpose once in a blue moon.
“I need it to go off-roading.” Oh good, so not content with polluting our air and clogging our roads, you are now going to use your gigantic earth-churning machine to tear up the countryside as well. That’s nice.
And my personal favourite: “It’s so safe.” For whom? You may feel all snug and secure surrounded by twenty tons of steel but it’s not going to be pretty for the people in the little Mazda you hit is it? There’s only one answer to this. We must level the playing field by all driving pick-up trucks. I’m off to shop for mine today.
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