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PARKER: What's the worst result from Pinterest envy?

Image Credit: Compilation/Jennifer Stahn
October 07, 2014 - 7:44 AM

I never thought I would be the kind of woman to shop for wallpaper. I never thought I would be the kind of woman to lattice my own pie, to have a bath in a tub full of oatmeal, or to use clothes pegs to hang artwork, but I have a Pinterest account and these things just come with the territory.

When I signed up for Pinterest I did it with the same intentions as everyone else — to kill time during my 9 to 5 and to create a collection of pictures that would leave no room for my future fiancé to mess up when choosing my engagement ring.

You know, otherwise they always default to princess cut.

Pinterest surprised me though. At first I thought it was just trying to make me feel bad about myself, but slowly I started to see through all the fitness posts and recipes for things you can eat that might not one day kill you (read: unfollowing), and instead I became inundated with words of inspiration and lists of things to do that would supposedly make my life better.

Boy oh boy, I do love overused Nietzsche quotes and pointless to-do lists — especially when they’re coming from other people eating Nutella in sweatpants.

It didn’t stop there, though. As my Pinterest portfolio expanded from a simple inspiration and mood board to a collection of things that were supposed to inspire me on a regular basis, I started discovering that some people weren’t just sitting around eating chocolate nut butter in sweatpants — they were making their own nut butter in sweatpants.

Like, from scratch — not however else that sounded.

Last year a girlfriend’s mom started telling me how she was furious she could no longer buy her own grain to make bread from scratch. Apparently she had to buy it from a tack and feed store and they were always reluctant to sell it to her because of the rats and whatnot.

I wanted to feel for her but really — who did she think she was? Making bread from scratch is one thing, grinding your own flour is just plain old school.

Correction — grinding your own flour is just plain Pinterest.

As the years of my Pinterest practice have continued, I have found myself more inclined to try things that involve the oven — more inclined to get out into the community for apple picking festivals, more inclined to invite people over so that I can showcase the fact that I created a sorbet coloured tassel garland....

OK, that last one’s a lie. I bought it for $30 from Urban Outfitters.

That is not the point, though. Despite the fact Pinterest is a collection of really pretty things that you’ll never own and really well turned out arts and crafts that you’ll never be able to replicate and really delicious looking home-ground-grain bread, it actually does more good than not.

Before I got Pinterest I was just that girl who cried at birthday parties when my party hat was the ugliest (what? You never read my first column?) Now, I’m at least the girl who knows what she wants her party hat to look like and you can be damn sure I’ll try and get it there, even if it eventually means supporting someone else’s basement business in the process.

Pinterest may not be making me more domestic, but it has certainly increased the amount of effort I put in to trying. Sure, the cake may be solid grey instead of ombre. Sure, the DIY glitter mascara may blind me. Yes, OK, maybe wallpapering my bathroom in black and white damask isn’t going to look super Vogue like it does in Vogue.

Whatever. The worst-case scenario will be princess cut anyway.

— Next week, Andria's column moves to its new home here on Mondays.

News from © InfoTel News Ltd, 2014
InfoTel News Ltd

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