Darrin Rein in the days before a disease called Ataxia limited his mobility.

Image Credit: SUBMITTED/ Darrin Rein

Valentine's Day is one month away, and if you are currently single, you could be finding it difficult to find that special someone to share the occasion with.

A man in Kamloops who is living with a degenerative neurological disease is speaking up about the added challenges of dating that his disability brings to the romantic dinner table.

Darrin Rein has Spinocerebellar Ataxia, which causes poor speech, poor balance and bad vision. He said former dates were not prepared for his extra needs, and he has tips for those who are considering dating someone with disabilities.

“Putting yourself out there is already hard,” Rein said. “Toss in some form of disability and it seems pretty unlikely to land a relationship, and that doesn’t even count my own personal hang ups like lack of hair and being too short.”

READ MORE: Kelowna wheelchair user wants sidewalk clearing to be top priority

Rein said finding love is unlikely for him.

“Most don't want to take that plunge and find out that I'm really cool,” he said. “They see the disability first and they think hmmm this guy probably can't even put out.”

The 48-year-old was once an avid golfer and snowboarder who enjoyed hiking and riding a bike. His disease took all of that away.

“Not much is tougher than not being able to do things I was once good at,” he said. “How am I supposed to impress someone? I can buy a date dinner but I’ll probably choke on my food. How does a disabled guy like myself even meet somebody these days?”

Rein said looking for a potential date online is the easiest way for him to reach out, but it isn’t easy at all.

“Once a person hears the word ‘disability’, they act differently,” he said. “Looking online can get very discouraging. The person you are looking for needs to have a very open mind. Phrases like ‘it doesn’t matter if you are disabled to me’ seem like good things to say, but I’ve heard it all before.”

READ MORE: Why employees with diverse abilities are who you want to hire in Kamloops, Okanagan

Rein has tips for those out there in the dating pool who are considering dating someone with a disability. He said asking questions about the disability directly to the person is encouraged.

“Some questions might seem embarrassing, and they probably are,” he said. “Most people are worried about how the disabled person is going to react. If someone cares though, any question is fine. Ask if they can have sex, ask about their limitations in all aspects of life, ask what tasks they are still able to do.” 

Rein said it is really important to talk to people with disabilities normally and know everyone shares the same day-to-day issues regardless of their abilities. People with disabilities are the same as able bodied people, they have just been denied a few physical and mental things.

“Don’t be afraid to do things your disabled date can’t necessarily do,” he said. “I used to be able to snowboard, so if my date wants to go snowboarding, they should do that. I’m not here to hold anyone back.

“Do not sugar coat things, say what you want truthfully. If you just want to be friends with benefit, say that. It’s not really my thing but don’t be wishy washy with a disabled person. Yes, we have feelings and sometimes the truth hurts. Welcome to life.”

Rein said often others think his disability is fine until they see the bigger picture.

“‘It’s not you, it’s me’ probably has a whole new meaning in the disabled dating world,” he said. “I think many disabled persons probably feel isolated from the dating pool.”

To contact a reporter for this story, email Shannon Ainslie or call 250-819-6089 or email the editor. You can also submit photos, videos or news tips to the newsroom and be entered to win a monthly prize draw.

We welcome your comments and opinions on our stories but play nice. We won't censor or delete comments unless they contain off-topic statements or links, unnecessary vulgarity, false facts, spam or obviously fake profiles. If you have any concerns about what you see in comments, email the editor in the link above. 

News from © iNFOnews, 2022