(DON THOMPSON / iNFOnews.ca)

OPINION

Recently, I undertook an in-depth research project to determine scientifically what has happened to the cost of living...is inflation whipping us? I started as any bright, analytical student of statistical relevance and truth might.

I unearthed a 37-year-old recording of Peter Gzowski interviewing Stuart McLean on CBC Radio’s “Morningside” program. Those not old enough to remember either of these gentleman, that’s OK. 

You likely don’t know that back then inflation was 1.86%, a new Ford Mustang cost $8,479, and unemployment averaged 7%. The prime rate was bouncing around 10%. Halley’s Comet appeared clearly in Canadian skies on March 15 that year, and won’t be back until 2061 when I’ll be seriously dead and even my youngest readers will be seriously old.

Peter Gzowski, a broadcaster, writer and reporter from Toronto, was so popular he was widely known as “Mr. Canada” or “Captain Canada”. He was a quick-witted man who smoked cigarettes like his job was to keep the tobacco industry afloat, 70 or so smokes a day for most of his life. A year before dying at 67 years old, he wrote an essay, “How to Quit Smoking in Fifty Years or Less”.

Stuart McLean was Canada’s Mark Twain…a humourist of epic proportions. I have probably heard all 400+ episodes of “Vinyl Cafe”, often recorded live on stage to audiences all across Canada.

Stuart’s alter ego on the program, Dave, owned a fictional second-hand record store, but it was the day-to-day episodes of Dave, his wife, Morley and their two kids, Stephanie and Sam, Arthur the dog and Galway the cat, that were so relatable for millions of Canadians. McLean was known for blending humour, compassion and decency into stories that reflected our lives.

So, with that brief background, McLean appeared on Gzowski’s “Morningside” on Feb. 17, 1986 to report on inflation. He wanted to see what prices had done since CBC journalist Danny Finkleman on “Morningside” ten year’s earlier bought for one Canadian dollar. We’re talking Canadian folding money…as it was a year before the “loonie” was in circulation.

Finkleman bought a styptic pencil, a box of penny matches, a coat hanger, city water and toothpicks…all for one dollar. McLean could not replicate the feat exactly…a styptic pencil (a short white 1/4-inch diameter cylinder used to cauterize a shaving cut) was ten cents in 1976…and came in a little cardboard box. Using it was - by the way - a little like throwing salt in an open wound.

By 1986, shrink wrap was the latest packaging curse and the once cheap styptic pencil was sold in tandem for $1.39 in a package that you needed a razor and luck to open. On the plus side, you had the right remedy at hand in case you cut yourself. So, McLean passed on styptic, which incidentally has a longer shelf life than a can of SPAM.

McLean had better luck with Finkleman’s second item…a box of penny matches. Again, if you’re under 40 you’re probably asking, “What’s a penny match?” Before there were cheap disposable Bic lighters, you could throw two cents in a small tray near a retailer’s till and take a box of matches. Ten years later McLean could do the same.

Back in 1976, Finkleman bought a clothes hanger for 12 cents. A decade later, McLean passed…knowing that he could get them free every time he took shirts to the cleaners. As we all know, if you leave hangers in your dark closet…they breed somehow and you eventually have to donate your old clothes on double-hangers.

In 1986, you could get 25 gallons of water for a nickel through pipes from the City of Toronto...pretty good deal really. That much water today costs you about 49 cents…still, considering you can do anything you want to it and return it to the city in pipes…seems fair.

Finkleman found what might have been the bargain of bargains 47 years ago…he bought a box of 725 toothpicks for 33 cents. Of course, dental floss in small plastic dispensers has diminished the use of toothpicks. They were 60 cents in 1986, and today, 725 toothpicks will run you $1.25…still, a bargain.

Quite frankly, having lived through both eras, I’m unsure which dental hygiene device I hate to see used in public more…but I’m giving the nod to floss because I’ve witnessed folks popping it like a shoeshine boy’s cloth with bits of yesterday’s lunch flying everywhere.

It was no doubt difficult - even in 1986 - to find a pet (and I use the term loosely) for pocket change…McLean passed on a gold fish at 49 cents and instead bought a cricket for a dime. Today, you can get a cricket for 14 cents at PetSmart.

Next, McLean found a piece of chalk - the kind teachers use - for one cent. McLean reasoned this a huge bargain since we all know you can entertain a toddler on a sidewalk for at least an hour with chalk. Today, you’ll pay less than 15 cents for chalk…still, not bad for tying up a toddler’s time.

McLean bought a post card and a stamp that could be delivered anywhere in Canada for 44 cents, almost twice what Finkleman paid in 1976. Today, a stamp is 92 cents and a postcard goes as cheap as 50 cents…$1.42. Good deal if it gets there.

Finally, back in 1986, you could park your car on Toronto’s Bloor Street for ten cents for an hour. Today you get a hour for a Loonie. Considering rent for a smallish 3-bedroom apartment on Bloor Street is $5,000 to $6,000 a month…parking your heap for an hour for a dollar is not so bad.

Bottom line: We seem to have a grip on inflation. What cost a dollar in 1986…is about $4.46 today….37 years later. When you consider a dollar in 1986 is equivalent to $2.75 today, really, we’re doing fine. Hey, this is solid research…that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

There’s more, but I need to go get a new styptic pencil…the one I bought in 1986 is just about done.

— Don Thompson, an American awaiting Canadian citizenship, lives in Vernon and in Florida. In a career that spans more than 40 years, Don has been a working journalist, a speechwriter and the CEO of an advertising and public relations firm. A passionate and compassionate man, he loves the written word as much as fine dinners with great wines.

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