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MANN: Living for today means managing the 'what ifs'

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August 03, 2017 - 12:23 PM

If you are living anywhere near the Kamloops area, you are well aware of the nearby wildfires and thick veil of smoke dipping in and out of the valley.

Because of the conditions outside, my family and I haven’t been venturing out much.

So for the time being, I have had to get creative with indoor activities to keep my children busy and myself sane.

Catching bubbles, attempting hula hooping and breastfeeding her doll, fortunately our daughter is a non stop source of entertainment for us.

But being stuck indoors for days can be a challenge for someone who thinks too much, especially when I am not distracted by chasing down my children or planning a play date.

I know some of you will be able to relate to that moment when the “What ifs” and other existential questions start popping into your head.

“Have I accomplished enough in my life?”

“Are we living in a world that is just a snow globe in another universe?”

“What will life be like for my children in ten years?”

“What do I have to do to keep up wth the Joneses?”

“Who the heck are the Joneses anyway, and are they really worth keeping up to?”

And so begins a spiral of random questions, with really no definite answers — frustrating, and in a lot of cases downright scary.

Sometimes I wish I could have the questions and worries of my toddler for a day.

“When am I going to get some hot milk?”

“Why hasn’t anyone changed me yet?”

“They keep saying ‘No,” so I think I’m going to keep doing it — I probably should keep doing it right?”

“What happens when I push this button? I think I like it; I think I’ll do it again.”

She spends her time navigating her way through adversity with laughter and a sense of adventure and experiencing firsts day after day.

Tuesday was no exception.

My daughter discovered that with a little effort she could escape the confines of her crib and liberate herself from bedtime.

Imagine my surprise when I entered the dark to check on my sleeping angel, only to discover an empty bed and a little girl emerging into the light, grinning from ear to ear like a frightening little Chucky doll.

I was impressed by her tenacity, but also worried about what this new accomplishment would mean — her mother losing more control of her not-so-little girl.

I’m never going to stop worrying and I will alway spend too much time trying to find answers to questions that I might just not ever get the answers for — I know that is just who I am. It upsets me because I want to be more go with the flow and let life be, but I will never be that person. 

But maybe I don’t need to expend so much of my energy on the “What ifs,” and just try to concentrate on the simple things and living in “the now” — like my daughter does.

More lessons my children have taught me. The present is the best place to be, but not an easy place to get to. It takes practice to let go and concentrate on the next five minutes instead of the next five years and celebrate milestones as they are reached, no matter how small.

— Becky Mann is a 30-something, red haired, mother of two, trying to navigate this life as best she can. She enjoys talking to people and discovering their stories. Still trying to balance her personal and professional life, she juggles work and play. In her spare time Becky can be found visiting with friends, spending time with her family and saving time by reading while walking, She knows there is so much more to come and is looking forward to the continued adventure.

News from © InfoTel News Ltd, 2017
InfoTel News Ltd

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