People who helped Katherine McParland in the months before her December 2020 death said she found herself back in a cycle of domestic abuse, which led to her death.

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Odette Dempsey-Caputo has seen the same story a thousand times: a woman returns to her abusive partner over and over, with a tragic end.

After reading about Katherine McParland's return to an abusive partner and her eventual overdose death, Dempsey-Caputo told iNFOnews.ca anyone can fall victim to domestic violence. And once it starts, sometimes the cycle is nearly impossible to break.

"I've seen that story a thousand times," she said.

As the on-staff lawyer for Elizabeth Fry Society, managing offices in both Kamloops and Kelowna, it's nearly a daily effort to encourage victims of abuse to admit they've been abused, especially to the courts.

"Unfortunately, a person whose being abused will go back multiple times," she said. "You're with that person and usually there's trauma in the past.... You're used to acquiescing to your abuser."

While there are many women who will seek protection orders from the court that will protect them from abusers, she said many are reluctant to do so. It could be because they fear they have no evidence or sometimes because they still care for their abuser.

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McParland died of an overdose on Dec. 5, 2020. She was beloved within Kamloops, especially among non-profit and social service circles, for her pioneering work helping homeless youth.

In what took months to unfold, she returned to an abusive partner earlier that year, and her friends allege he began selling drugs again upon his release from prison.

She told friends she was "terrified" while spending time with him, meanwhile her partner appeared not to know. What he did know is McParland tried to keep him separated from the rest of her life, and she eventually fled to Victoria briefly in an effort to distance herself from him.

She did this without involving involving law enforcement, and instead got help from friends.

"I remember her getting mad and saying, 'I don’t want the police to even know my name, I don’t want my work involved,'" Ben Bowden told iNFOnews.ca.

Although she was hours away, friends told iNFOnews.ca it was her passion for her work, running the local non-profit she founded, that brought her back to Kamloops. Despite her connections to social services, she couldn't escape a relationship that led to her eventual death in December 2020.

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"In her case, stigma against being a victim, for lack of better word, I think that's huge. If you're well known, it's embarrassing. They close the courtrooms..., but that doesn't mean people don't see you there," Dempsey-Caputo said. "I do think the stigma would have driven her from seeking supports and systems."

It's difficult to know exactly what McParland's motivations were to keep her partner, Sean Fouts, separated from her life. But her friends told iNFOnews.ca that she would try to keep him away from her non-profit, A Way Home Kamloops.

“He followed her every moment of every day,” an anonymous friend said. “She was running from him. He would show up at her work when he wasn’t wanted. He was scary as hell and involved in shady business for a long time. Sometimes we wouldn’t have contact with her for hours and we would all be worried.”

Dempsey-Caputo said this is a form of harassment that victims of domestic abuse often experience.

Harassment and "psychological abuse" can be stalking, breaking into homes after a partner flees, and often times it involves a control over the victim's finances.

"I can't tell you how many women I've seen that have given up their rights... because they just want to be done with it," she said. In order to make it end, a victim may just "give (the abuser) what they want."

One of the hardest things for a victim, she said, is having the finances to support themselves once they flee, she said. It leaves a victim "stuck," either unable to leave or left with few options once they've left. 

"When someone's financially controlling, they will cut off finances."

READ MORE: ‘TERRIFIED’: The interrupted life and final days of Katherine McParland

The provincial government offers low-barrier funding for victims and it's designed to be fast-tracked, but Dempsey-Caputo said victim funding is too slow a process to keep them from returning. She added that while Elizabeth Fry Society offers transition housing for victims, it's almost always full.

There is a dedicated emergency shelter for women and children fleeing violence in Kamloops run by the local YWCA.

In 2021, Kamloops RCMP had 1,096 domestic abuse files. That was down from 1,522 in 2020 and 1,262 in 2019. Of those 3,880 files, just 808 resulted in criminal charges.

Within the same three years, Kelowna RCMP responded to 2,556 domestic violence calls, in a city with nearly 50,000 more people.

When RCMP are called to a domestic situation, they will often separate partners even when there's no cause for an arrest or when the report came from a third party. Const. Dustin Meikle of Kamloops RCMP said police will help victims make a "safety plan" and encourage the pair to separate for a "cooling off period," in these cases.

If there's been a history violence, police will monitor with monthly check ins, he said.

However, it's up to the victim to seek a protection order if they want the court to enforce a separation before any criminal charges are laid.

In McParland's case, there's no evidence she sought a protection order.

However, people who helped her in the months before her death said they had called police to report her as missing the night before she died.

"(On Dec. 4) she went off the radar," Bowden said. "It was like 8 p.m. And everybody was phoning her, pinging her phone, maybe three of us and we didn’t know the other one was calling but three of us on our own accord called the RCMP and said we have a girl here who has gone missing… she is supposed to be doing accountability checks, she’s in a dangerous situation and we need you to find her.”

Kamloops RCMP did not say whether they received a missing person report that night, or whether anyone went to check for McParland that night. However, Dempsey-Caputo said it reveals a need for more police officers to make up for the workload.

"I suspect if it was a slower night, they would have went," she said.

But she added that in her observation, it's not uncommon for police to distance themselves from a home after repeated calls. Even if a victim has successfully gotten a protection order already from the court, she's heard from clients that police take longer to respond, or simply don't, after repeated visits to the same home.

Sources that spoke to iNFOnews.ca about McParland were reluctant to use their names out of fear for their safety. Some were people who helped her in the weeks and months before she died.

The province uses a collaborative group called the Integrated Case Assessment Team in particularly dangerous situations, like McParland's. She was involved with a person alleged to have had gang associations in the past and a known criminal history.

Police and social services like Elizabeth Fry and the YWCA will refer victims to the assessment team when needed, but Dempsey-Caputo said there is no service she can think of that would protect people like Bowden who helped McParland when she fled to Victoria.

If you are experiencing intimate partner violence, seek help.

Dial 911 if you are in immediate danger.

To talk to someone about a plan to protect yourself or your children, call 1-800-563-0808 or go here.

Know the warning signs.

— A previous version of this story falsely stated there was no dedicated shelter for women and children. It was corrected at 4:36 p.m. Monday, June 6, 2022, to say there is one operated by the Kamloops YWCA. 

— This story was originally published at 6:32 a.m. June 6, 2022.

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