How a Kamloops woman persisted to get her abusive ex banished from city | iNFOnews | Thompson-Okanagan's News Source

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How a Kamloops woman persisted to get her abusive ex banished from city

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A Kamloops woman is breathing a sigh of relief after her ex-partner was finally, after great effort on her part, ordered to stay at least 100 kilometres from Kamloops.

Months after she ended a turbulent relationship, he would come so close to breaching court orders to stay away from her that he would watch her home on lunch breaks from work, drive past her home and show up at places she took her kids regularly. She even caught him dumping sugar into her gas tank in her driveway.

It took multiple calls to police, then Crown prosecutors, to ramp up enforcement and have him banished from the city.

The 31-year-old man is facing multiple charges including criminal harassment, mischief, resisting arrest and several recognizance breaches, according to court records. He also has a history of assaulting past partners in recent years.

He broke court orders to stay away from her at least five times in December and January, according to court records.

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"It's kind of a relief," she said. "I thought maybe speaking out will help other women that are dealing with stalkers." is not naming either of them out of concern for her safety.

Now that he's charged, he is scheduled for court again later this month where he'll be answering for harassment and breaching court orders to stay away from his most recent ex. However, she said he was able to hide the fact he was already under house arrest for some time during their relationship last year.

"I thought he was just being a good dad," she said, adding he has a young child and purported to be simply caring for her.

It was actually part of a criminal sentence for assaulting another former partner.

He has several past court files for abusing domestic partners in Kamloops going back to 2018. His latest file with a previous partner was in 2022. It's not clear how many women he's abused in that time.

This most recent relationship lasted more than a year, but it was the last two months that got scary.

"There was a lot of manipulation. People couldn't come over because he thought they were trying to take me away from him," she said. "There was a lot of paranoia he was starting to suffer from."

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He would sometimes show up at her home drunk and become verbally abusive. She claims he was driving drunk even with his young daughter in the vehicle. 

Even after trying to break up multiple times, she said she would feel guilty for his young daughter.

Luckily for the woman spoke with, he didn't escalate to physical violence with her, but his erratic behaviour continued and problematic drinking forced her to break things off.

She changed vehicles three times during their turbulent relationship, but didn't realize why until he was caught dropping a bag of sugar running from her house.

"My mom said once, 'Isn't it so weird your cars always break when you try to leave him?'" she said. "Then I realized, oh it was him this whole time."

For ten months, he would show up at her home or parks she regularly visited with her kids. He would call and leave long, slurred voicemails or send emails. Even after blocking him or changing her phone number, he'd find ways to contact her.

But she was persistent. She called police multiple times and RCMP took her report each time, stacking the evidence, she said.

He continued to breach the court order, so she eventually contacted a Crown prosecutor directly rather than RCMP. He was charged that month, and ordered to stay 100 kilometres from the city by January.

He currently lives in Alberta, but he'll return for court until a judge reaches a decision or his charges are dropped.

Meanwhile, his ex is just relieved he's gone, leaving her to move on and work on her stand up routine and care for her kids.

"Either you just lay down and cry or write a comedy out of it," she said, planning to eventually perform at a local venue.

Looking back, she's glad she kept pressuring police and prosecutors to take action. She hopes by sharing her story, she can inform or inspire other women to get help escaping her abusers.

"You always tell yourself you won't be in a situation like this, then all of a sudden you find yourself there," she said. "Then you think, 'Woah, how did this happen so quickly?"

She's part of a minority of women who report their partner to police in Canada.

Just 20% of women report domestic violence to police, according to a 2019 survey. Meanwhile, 50% of women have experienced domestic or physical violence.

Each year, 20,000 women in BC experience some kind of sexual or physical violence, according to the province.

Go here for more information on domestic violence and violence against women in BC, and where to find support.

To contact a reporter for this story, email Levi Landry or call 250-819-3723 or email the editor. You can also submit photos, videos or news tips to the newsroom and be entered to win a monthly prize draw.

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