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A former Kamloops resident in her early 70s is still doing the job of a full-time parent.

Helen, a widow, lives in Port Alberni in a small home with her adult son who has autism, bipolar disorder and Tourette syndrome. She said the small Vancouver Island city is a good, safe community for him to live in.

"He's six-foot-nine, wears weird clothes and doesn’t talk," she said. “He’s a musician with a high IQ. His autism is the biggest part of his illness. He can be volatile and gets frustrated. Things can get tense in the house, he just explodes sometimes. I have to be careful of what I say."

iNFOnews.ca has chosen to not use Helen’s last name at her request. She said sharing the details of his mental illness would upset him due to the stigma the surrounds it.

“He’s had jobs and got fired from every one of them, he can’t process information properly,” she said. “Things become a disaster very quickly when he’s on his own.”

Helen isn’t the only one caring for an adult child with a mental health disorder in BC. She personally knows six other senior parents in the same tough spot and has met others.

“I’m shocked at how many older people have an 'on-the-spectrum' person living in their basements, it’s shocking and painful,” she said. “Some of these parents just aren’t cut out for it. It’s a tough job.”

She said there's “zero help out there” for adults with mental illnesses or the families caring for them. There isn’t financial aid to help cover living costs, or free respite provided.

“Honestly, there's nothing,” she said. “He can’t get into a psychiatrist to get proper treatment because he can’t see a doctor. Ours retired and there are no others available. I think he needs to get some therapy but that isn’t financially possible. The mental health system depends on the parents to do their job.”

One big commonality among senior parents caring for adult children is their fear of what will become of their offspring when they die.

Helen fears if her other children can’t keep her little house going after she dies, her son will be homeless. Her other kids have lives of their own and don’t live in Port Alberni. Helen can’t afford to move anywhere else.

“If it weren’t for me, he’d be on the street,” she said. “His sister tried to help but he was screaming and yelling and it was too much. He doesn’t do drugs or drink because I keep him well fed and happy. I never tell him he should shower and I do his laundry. It keeps him from being that screaming, yelling person but that’ll end when I’m gone.”

Helen’s house costs roughly $4,000 per month to keep up. Her son makes $1,700 per month on disability.

“Ideally, he could stay here and this house would not be sold and with luck we’d find and pay someone who could live in the house and help keep him clean and in line, but I don’t want my other kids having to pay for it,” she said.

“My son doesn’t clean, he doesn’t shower and his room is a disaster. This is where you definitely know he is mentally ill.”

Helen said if parents of mentally ill adults die there are no longer institutions to house them and the lineups to get them into assisted living facilities are a mile long if they even qualify.

“They’re putting the mentally ill into assisted living homes and it’s terrifying old people,” she said. “I don’t think there is a good solution. I don’t think my son would go into one willingly. There's nowhere for these people to go or be looked after, they end up on the streets.”

The most difficult part of Helen’s role as a senior parent is watching her son suffer. Being high functioning, he is aware of his difficulties.

“My son said numerous times how much he wishes he wasn’t the way he is. He then lists all the disadvantages that he can’t change or help. Every parent I’ve talked to in this situation loves their mentally ill children and we all share the same fears. I love my son, I love living with him, and I worry about his future when I die." 

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