YO MAMA: 20 ways I’ll get even with my crazy toddler when he’s older
There is no shortage of hilariously absurd moments when you live with a toddler.
My two-year-old son has zero self-awareness of how ridiculously funny he can be.
Sometimes, I daydream about ways to get even with him when he's older by taking inspiration from his own antics.
Fun ways I’ll get even with my crazy toddler when he’s older
1. While at his house for lunch, spontaneously dump my glass of milk out all over the floor. Then run away laughing while he cleans it up.
2. Take one bite of the from-scratch meal he made for me, chew it up into a sludge, then spit it out on my chair.
3. Squeeze out all his toothpaste and shove his toothbrush down the sink.
4. Take every card out of his wallet and scatter them across the floor.
5. Run away and hide from him in a public place.
6. Make him carry me back to the car.
7. Spill water all over myself while we’re having dinner at a restaurant.
8. Sit in the back seat while he drives me somewhere and scream at him. Then throw rice puffs all over the backseat of his car.
9. Rip the pages out of his new magazines.
10. Push all the buttons on his TV remote so nothing works.
11. Refuse to wear pants when we leave the house.
12. Steal his car keys and push the car alarm at 6 am.
13. Sneeze in his face then wipe my runny nose on his shirt sleeve.
14. Come over while he’s folding the laundry then dump it all out of the hamper while laughing maniacally.
15. Run into his house with my boots on tracking muddy footprints all over his carpet.
16. Rearrange all the books on his shelf. Then take a bite out of one.
17. Pull all the clothes off the hangers.
18. Immediately spill something like blueberry jam or tomato sauce on a new shirt he just gave me.
19. Jump on his bed until the springs break.
20. Make him watch me jump off the couch onto a pile of pillows 10,000 times.
What fun ways will you get even with your crazy toddler?
— Charlotte Helston gave birth to her first child, a rambunctious little boy, in the spring of 2021. Yo Mama is her weekly reflection on the wild, exhilarating, beautiful, messy, awe-inspiring journey of parenthood.
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