YO MAMA: Signs your baby is destined for greatness
We were all sitting in the living room, watching the baby do his thing. My mother, who was visiting, sat enraptured by his latest abilities.
“Oh my god, look at how he’s dancing to the music,” she exclaimed.
The kid squatted up and down robotically, waving his arms spastically at his sides, his tongue sticking out of his mouth in a mixture of concentration and uninhibited joy.
“He’ll probably be a dancer when he grows up,” she said, matter-of-factly.
A little bit later, he belched loudly and she proclaimed: “restaurant critic.”
And then at dinner, when he energetically started kicking his legs in the high chair, she announced: “future Olympic athlete.”
Never mind that all babies dance, burp and kick their feet — this kid was obviously destined for greatness.
The next day, when he swiped my glasses off my face I said maybe the kid would grow up to be a thief. Or perhaps his penchant for hiding rocks in his mouth would lend itself to a career in diamond smuggling.
“That’s not funny,” she said. “He can only be good things.”
Of course.
My mom isn’t the only person who is obsessed with predicting my son’s future endeavours.
While he was operating the toy tractor at the playground — very serious business — a gentleman remarked that I had a future farmer on my hands.
Another time, we were stopped on the sidewalk so my son could watch the magic of a backhoe at work when a passerby chirped, “future engineer!”
And once when we were at our playgroup, another mom pointed out how flexible he is. “Maybe he’ll be a yoga instructor!” she said.
It’s a fun game, but of course there’s no crystal ball in parenting.
What he’ll be when he grows up is anybody’s guess. Personally, I’m hoping for a cheese-maker, airline pilot or creator of artisanal wood furniture. My husband, meanwhile, thinks it would be great to have a mechanic in the family.
— Charlotte Helston gave birth to her first child, a rambunctious little boy, in the spring of 2021. Yo Mama is her weekly reflection on the wild, exhilarating, beautiful, messy, awe-inspiring journey of parenthood.
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